Friday, November 26, 2010

The Alternative To This: Wilderness or Prison

The title may seem like a lousy copy of one's pursuit of a perfect life. Far from it. It is the pursuit of a bummer  to live a comfortable life. I had a thought the other day, when I was really fed up with everything about life and was terribly fatigued from doing too many things. How nice if I can just relax and not do anything. I mean to sustain myself I need to work. Even to be alive costs money where one would expect to live is a basic human right. Obviously in a capitalist world it is not. To eat, you need to pay. To sleep you need to pay...well if you want a roof over your head. So think of it like this, just to sit in your own home, you need to pay for every minute, be it the rent or the 30 year mortgage. And if that was not enough, there's the bills.

So I got to thinking, isn't there anywhere I can live to not have to care about any of these things? One thought that came to mind was like in Into The Wild, you go out into the wilderness and live off the land. But then I enjoy the company of people too (occasionally) so that is not really a viable option. And truth be told, I am never that much an adventurous person. I mean I don't think I can distinguish between a perfectly edible mushroom and one that would cause me to keel over and choke on my tongue in 30 seconds flat. Also, I have no idea to hunt for animal, skin them and eat them, nor do I know how to find suitable shelter in the wild, not can I fish. If I were in the movie Cast Away, it would have been a really short movie. It would be of a man landing on an island disoriented, walking around for several hours, getting hungry, walking aimlessly  to find something to eat, give up and then wrapping his arms around his legs and start rocking back and forth. After that I would just get faint from the heat, roll over, faint and die of dehydration. At the end of the day, the wilderness is just too much hard work.

Okay another thought is I could go to prison. This I believe has a few more pluses than the wilderness idea. Firstly, in prison you get served food and you get a bed to sleep in, free of charge! You can sit there doing nothing whole day and no one could care less! Secondly, you need to get caught to go to prison. So, simply go rob a bank or steal a huge was of cash from a rich person, they don't need that much money anyways. IF you don't get caught, then great! You're all the richer for failing at your actual objective of getting caught and getting sent to prison. It's a win-win situation. But then there is also the down side. In prison, the people are not likely to be your typical Tom , Dick and Harry. You are in prison after all, and there are there for a proper reason. Not like your lala-land reason of wanting to live a piss easy life. So from all the TV I have seen, prison may not be such a pleasant experience.

All in all, prison and the wilderness may not be such good ideas after all. I shall think of more alternatives to this great paradox of life (That I should work to live comfortably?!? Ridonkulous!!!) I shall get back to you on this matter. Making fairy tale arguments is a strenuous undertaking.

It is Friday

Hey, a post for the 2nd consecutive day. I really am doing this just to get me to spend about half an hour to an hour every day to actually write something of substantial length. At this point I am not even really concerned to write anything meaningful or deeply though provoking (well, actually perhaps all I have ever done was provoke my own thoughts and no one else's).

Well, first things first, today was a great days for research. So was Wednesday, I did get a lot of work done this week and if I carry on in this vein for the next week I should be in good stead for the conference to come.

Bought 3 books today, from the 3 for 2 offer. I got What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Caldwell, Catching the Wolf of Wall Street by Jordan Belfort and Commited by Elizabeth Gilbert. The reason I bought any books at all to be perfectly honest is to get Commited. I read about 20 pages a few weeks back when I was in Borders and quite liked it so I really had to finish it. I read the first Wolf of Wall Street book and it was good, so I decided to get that too. Malcolm Caldwell, I actually read his book so good time as any to branch out and read something new. Though I have several ongoing books now. Reading The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg Larsson, Tales of Love and Loss by Knut Hamsun (His stories are very unique), The Good Soldiers by David Finkel and How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life by the Dalai Lama. I have so many lovely books I would love to read. Wish I had more time. But it was good that for the past week, I got a few solid hours of reading time a day, whilst still being productive with research and able to exercise about an hour before work. So the balance is good now, I do not feel fatigued every day like I used to. So I really should tone back on the tutoring next semester. On top of the Swedish lessons I'm doing Monday evenings. Hopefully by next year's end I can read, write and speak quite proper Swedish. And perhaps I can blog in Swedish too!

So as this intermission of seriousness end, I say to you, may the nonsense recommence.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Let the drivel commence

As this blog would attest to, I have been rather busy and have not been as forthcoming with the writing as I would like. This being pressed for time very much in the past month or so. Let this not be a prelude of this to come for I really do need to again ignite the flame for writing and write more every day.

Writing is like delicate but resilient plant. If one does not tend to it, it becomes frail and pitiful. And whence one looks at it after some time of neglect, it bears no semblance to what it formerly was. It has mutated beyond recognition. Not that it has changed to something ugly, just that the words are read that seem to be written by someone quite not myself. I do not recognize myself in the words. But to come up with new words for new stories, these do not come easily now that writing has ceased for such a long time. But here is where the resilience come into play, that when you force yourself to write again, words do come eventually. These words are not beautiful, they do not flow, it is like a river clogged by dust and debris for running dry too long. But as the small drops of water seep through the barrier, then comes a small drivel of water. Then sooner than you can say your granny has a fat ass, the barrier bursts and the blockage has been destroyed. Then the question you ask, what of my grandmother? Well, obviously if her ass was any larger it would have acted as a second barrier. But it was not of that magnitude yet, so were are all safe and the river runs free again.

Here is a story.
In times to come, my never ending search for I don't know what will continue, and I shall present said drivel to a bunch of drivel enthusiasts in 2 weeks time. And they shall probably ask,"What is this person driveling on about?" Then I with all conviction shall reply,"If you do not know, why are you here?" To which a reply,"To listen to new knowledge of course." To which I retort,"And since my drivel is not understood, is that not new knowledge?" which beckons a response,"No, it just means you're full of crap." "Indeed." "Touche."

And that story be a lesson to you. Never user the word touche, obviously it is wrongly used here. But when one counters with a clever retort, never acknowledge it with a touche. Acknowledge it by punching them full in the face.

So what is my point again? That it is this. I have not written for quite a while, and there is crap in my brain that needs letting out. So this blog has been re instated as my intellectual toilet bowl. I need to write up more fibre so the words come out smoother because obviously I have been having a mental constipation for the past few months. And yes, I did just go there, I used taking a dump analogies.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Swedish Class Commences!!!

So finally the anticipation's over and I started Swedish night classes today. Today, we learned the alphabet. So the alphabet are basically the same except there are the extra A's, and most of the letters are pronounced a bit differently to English. Spent 2 hours getting the pronunciation up to scratch and I really need to go over them over and over so they burn into my brain and make reading easier for next week.

Maybe going to find some Swedish movies to watch and get the intonation and slang burned into my brain as well. Lots of burning in. Hope I can move fairly quickly through this stuff and start reading basic children's book by the end of the semester.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Dots Ensue

Feeling a bout of melancholy coming along. Going back to Perth tomorrow afternoon and with that back to work. I still feel sort of holiday-ish. The food, I am so going to miss the food...And I hate packing. Well, a few more hectic weeks and things should die down again. Hope I can continue being motivated to do the stuff that needs doing and also the stuff I want done. Pushing through to the end of 2010. And no more getting sick pretty please.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Great, Hectic Weeks

This has been and will be the few most hectic weeks ever! So last week wast the week before the non-teaching week and I had to clear a gazillion student reports (exaggeration) before I came back for my sister's wedding this week. Well, so I worked night and day in that week trying to sort everything out and lo behold I got sick for the seventh bloody time this year. I think it's just the coping with stress and not knowing when to stop because I think I can just weather through the slight sickness which always just gradually gets worse. Anyways, was also finalizing my conference paper submission.

Ok, so. The wedding itself was on Tuesday, 28/09/2010. Lots of preparations went in beforehand and Lydia was super stressed and my mom too, so it was great that everything turned out wonderful. The church reception was in the morning and everything went rather smoothly. Except for one thing which is the father that was supposed to conduct the ceremony was on leave and a stand-in father came in at the last minute. And man, this father was crap. I think even he wasn't believing the bullshit sermon he was giving. He sounded like just reading from a piece of paper. Also, the father looked more like the devil's minion or something. He had a nice goatee going on, exactly like how you would picture the devil. But other than that, everything was good.

And the wedding dinner in the evening was great, very glitzy. Well, also I must mention at this point my heads were in the clouds, not only from being deliriously happy for my sister but also because I had taken flu meds and allergy meds which I know now should not mix, because the ceremony might as well have been on a cruise ship and I would be none the wiser. The floor was literally going up and down and swaying side to side, I had trouble keeping vertical. And add to the slight alcohol intake to go with it, yes, I was pretty much knocked out by the end of the night. So I think it's a combination of all that and exhaustion, because I did 2 hours of gym at the hotel the day before, because I thought I was all better. Well, I'm just rambling, still dizzy from all that.

But yes, the ceremony went great without a hitch and by the end Calvin was drunk and KO'd as well, Lydia was alright, she and Cynthia and the rest of the lot went to have drinks after which I did not join, too busy being horizontal on the bed. Well, it was a wonderful day overall and went of with not even as much of a hitch, don't think Lydia could have asked for anything more, and even my mom was sobbing that her daughter's being 'given away' so to speak...

Oh yes, and the next week. With no respite, I need to finish off more corrections of my conference paper tomorrow because it is so very due! And when I'm back I need to prepare for the SUT technical evening which is in 2 weeks time. AND I start Swedish classes coming Monday, get back to Perth Monday morning. So yeah, life is very much super-filled to the brim, and I don't think I'd have it any other way. Give me POMODORO POWER!!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

this week in food

Well, this week was very liquidish, and next week's probably the same because I only cooked half the things I planned to cook.

The first one is tomato and spinach soup. This was great, even though it looked all green and stuff, but that's due to the spinach. Well, it tasted wonderfully refreshing and you didn't get sick of it because there's no cream in it, lots of herbs.


Ok, second one is butternut squash and cumin soup with herb dressing. This tasted good too but you get sick of it if you have too much, because there is cream in it. But I'd totally make these two soups again.

And the last one is a sort of dessert, honey and orange rice pudding. Warning, do not make this! It is fucking disgusting. I hate you Brian Turner, your recipe sucks ass. I feel like puking now, having just made it just now. And I can follow instructions, I made it exactly as you said. The amount of double cream and milk you use is sickening, and the honey just compounds the nausea. Fuck you. I will never make this again. How funny it is that it looks the best of the three but it tastes so awesomely bad, I cannot even describe it properly. Do not make it, I did not even finish this thing. It is going down the drain.





Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Meeting the quota & Expectations

I have for the past few months tried to read about a book a week, and well, although I enjoy it, I have been reading books that are fast-paced and thrilling. But I have been neglecting the more substantial, meaty books. So I think I shall give up on the 1 book a week and go with whatever books is beautiful. I mean there is no meaning to pressure myself to finish reading quick if I don't enjoy it. Say like eating, some foods you just need to eat slowly and savour. So reading Tess of D'Ubervilles and Dante's Divine Comedy, I will read this very very slowly to get the full effect of the beautiful words. And be totally immerse in that world. I mean, the important thing is not the amount I read but the quality of transportation to that dimension and how it is there. Reading fast will make it a horrible experience.

I guess the same goes for my story writing. Stop with the expectation on myself. I should just stop thinking of what I think people will accept and what is nice, what is cliche what is not. If my story is cliche so be it, but I need to have it be totally organic to me and be acceptable to me to be a story that I myself would read again without the apprehension that this story is pretentious, not genuine. There needs to be my heart, soul and honesty of my writing. Be it twisted or horrible, it is still my story. If I am happy with it, all I can do is hope other people appreciate it. I rather have fewer people appreciate my work than be a sellout.

Limited Time

Sometimes when I nap in the afternoon, it's only for 10 minutes, but the dreams I have they span an entire afternoon a few days. So the perception of time is really a thing in the head I think. Well, days are 24 hours because that's when the sun rises and sets. But the minutes and seconds in the days. The perception of days in a year, perception of sunrise and sunset connected to time. I think it is the human brain requiring some sort of order.

I mean even the concept of weekends is artificial in itself. But somehow it is so ingrained now on weekends, people do not usually work. For me it is to the point now, if you do not work on weekdays, you would feel this feeling of immense guilt. And if you work on weekends, you would feel indignant, of why you have to work. It is all artificial.

There is something to be said about the limitation of time and how far human can reach in mental evolution. I am still scratching the surface, so I cannot say much.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

books books books...

So I tidied up my books and found I did not really have enough space now. So had to clear to of the compartments for my books. Also, I got some books from the library. Ordered several from Powells, amazing place to get books you want. I ordered several and hope to get them soon! Really looking forwards to reading those.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Dead Blogs

I do not think anyone reads my blog at all. And so I thought, why do I bother typing anyways. No one read anyways. And I thought, why don't I just make my blogs private. Well then I thought, no one reads it anyways so what's the point. I guess it would just be less sad that way, if it were private, like it's not to be read by others on my own volition.

Then I get to thinking, does it really matter if anyone reads or not? Well, not really. I'll keep writing anyways. And what if no one ever reads it. Mmmm, well. whatever. I'm happy writing, And I'm happy reading my writing. And it serves as my journal anyways. Oh well...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

On Writing

Just finished 1st draft of Play With Me and it took me all but what almost a year?!?!? It started with I Don't Like This Game which i wrote September of last year. It's year and this is most I have to show for it. It is REALLY hard to write a long piece of fiction. Or maybe it's just the momentum, it's hard to keep for a longer story. If it's a thousand or so words it's easy. It's just like a 100m sprint. But a short story is like 500 m run or something. A book would probably be like marathon...geez that would take me ten year?!? Hopefully not. And I think I should move away from writing horror. Surreal fiction is better for me. When I feel murderous then I'll write horror again.

Streamlining

So, all the stuff I'm being getting myself into seem to getting the best of me again. Getting pretty overwhelmed. So I'll just list out the things I'm doing to de-clutter my brain.

So of course with my research, it is on going but it is progressing fairly well now. Hope I get approval for ACAM6 conference in December and maybe the SUT technical evening in October. Then there's the whole tutoring thing, I'm doing about 16 hours a week this semester which is about the same as I did last semester and it can be pretty much at times. I find it very hard to concentrate again after I had  done a tutorial. Need to go for a walk, take a breather.

Then there is the whole fitness and gym thing. So I still want to do 12 km runs every Sunday and go to gym 3-5 times a week. There's just so many classes to do and they are all important so I'm trying to fit it all in a week. There's Body Pump, Combat, Attack and Balance. So need to balance out all these.

Then there's the reading and writing. I am attempting to read about a book a week, and this has been a bit hit and miss and some times I am just not in the mood. And then with the writing, it is pretty non existent lately. I just need to sit down and start writing then it will flow. But I don't know...it is very difficult, even mentally anguishing to get myself to sit down to write. But when I do, I always feel better. I do not know what it is. Maybe the fear of writing, of it being not perfect. Well, I need to get the mistakes out of my system anyways. So just need to keep writing.

And then there's learning Swedish. I start classes in October and have been listening to Swedish audio tapes. And learning and also reading a Swedish dictionary and some lesson books. Going pretty slow at the moment because I cannot find the time to do it. I think all hell will break lose when I actually start classes in October.

And Lydia's wedding is end of September and I'm going to Malaysia for a week. That's a good breather for me. Why am I doing so many things at once? I think I'll not get anywhere very quickly with so many things to do.

Oh yeah, and I forgot. I'm still playing the guitar. And learning songs. And piano? Not even touched it in months...I think I need to prioritize what is important and sort my life out.

Also I have thought of doing volunteer work on weekends. Hmmm, maybe this should be priority, puts my life in perspective better. Will see how it goes. Life seems hectic now. All of my own making...

Monday, August 30, 2010

City to Surf 2010!!!


So yesterday was city to surf for Perth and I did the 12 km Channel Nine run. It was more difficult than I anticipated because there were more hilly bits than I anticipated!!! But overall it was awesomely fun. And I ran a bit faster at the start than I wanted. There were so many people to take on, so I'm like 'I want to be faster than that granny' or 'I want to be faster than that little kid'. In the end get outran by some of them in the end because I just could not run all the way, had to get back to walking speed few times. Also it was very difficult to see how far there was left so at a certain stage I was walking again and I'm like why is everyone running. Then I saw in the distance the black ending line structure, then I was like 'Oh shit!' and went for mad dash to the finish. Out of the way all you people, I'm coming through because I've been conserving too much energy!!! Bloody hell...Well, next year I will know the route better, and probably good idea to do a trial run a week or two before. But really, I think it's very possible to be under an hour, I will train harder. Will start running again week after.

Oh yeah, and the medal is a tiny piece of shit, next year i want to do half marathon if just for the larger cooler medal.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Anticipation

This weekend is city to surf!!! I am still going to body attack tomorrow morning. and probably pump and balance on saturday. I'll just try not to put too much pressure on Sunday. Very excited/apprehensive. Never actually did a 12 km run before. So hopefully I do okay. Well, don't think I'll get any sleep on Saturday night. So hopefully I do not puke on Sunday.

Going to be super hectic few months till about November I think. Lots to do, but it's better than having nothing to do. Still handleable the load at the moment, just need to keep ebbing away at it. Talking about ebbing...makes me think of cake. I love cake.

I actually do no really like cheese cake, unless it's cheese cake that does not really taste like cheesecake. I like perhaps creamy cheesecake, which I guess isn't really much of a cheescake, more of a cheese cream cake. But I do like cheese in itself, I like cheese and crackers. And orange juice.

Talking about orange juice, I wonder if it's bad to drink those that's not really fresh orange juice, that is those with long expiration dates. I drink quite a bit of that.

Talking of fruits, bought really huge green apples at the weekend. Wow wee, apples can really make my puke reflux kick in. I don't know, although apples are sweet, I feel like puking after the whole apple. It's weird. Maybe my body cannot take that much healthiness in 1 sitting.

Ok, so I've talked about puking twice in this post. What have I to say about puking. I actually hate puking. What am I talking about, who the hell likes puking. Well, comparing puking and having an upset stomach. Hmmmm, it depends on what kind of upset stomach.

Okay, I will just stop myself there, I do not want either of those things. So yeah, no more talk of puking or diarrhea.

Mmmm, I do not actually have anything else to say. Mmmm, I have a dirty dirty mind. No actually I don't. If I did I would continue talking about that stuff. But I'm not so I was kind of repulsed by even thinking of that a little too much. *Phew*

Maybe I have something less gross to talk about.

One last thing, the leg of the yaroo jajooba's foot is a little to big fit in a space boot, so it can't go to space. That's species profiling I tells ya! Ooks will come to get you...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Artistic Expression

I have been watching lots of So You Think You Can Dance lately. And these pieces, some of them just make tear up because they are so touching, and some you just can't stop smiling at. Then I get to thinking of why this is so. At the very basic mechanical level of it, they are just people moving their body and moving around, why is it so affecting? Well, but it is. Even without prior explanation, you feel the expression of art. Of love. And that is the beauty, there is no metric of measuring it. Even when some pieces are not as technical, they are still beautiful because of the heart that is in it.

And with that I get to thinking about my own work. What is my writing doing? Are they just words, words just strung together to carry a meaning. These words have been used a million times, what makes them special? And sometimes I am so paralyzed by judgment of whether my writing is good enough that I find it difficult to carry on writing. So through watching SYTYCD I come to a realization. That if I write from an honest and not pretentious place, it would at least mean something real to me. And because it is real to me, hopefully people can relate to what I am saying also. And that would be my truth and I can live with that. Even if a story is cliche and have been told a million time, if you come from a very real place in telling it, then you can breathe life into that story.

Say people like van Gogh, his paintings were never appreciated until after he died. He was condemned by the art community. And the feeling I get is the type of people that condemned his work as mediocre at the time, are the same kind of people today that think his work was absolutely marvelous. So a prior 'tag' of what is good is never the way to go, and it should not be the direction of where to take my artistic expression.

Given that it is an expression, everyone would have an opinion of your work. And to filter in constructive criticism and be strong and keep persevering with your art is also an important skill. There are plenty of great artists that lots of people like and I just do not like their work. Does that mean their work is not good? I don't think so, just a matter of preference. So what can you do when the whole world thinks your work is absolute rubbish? Again, it is important to take criticism with consideration, but at the end of the day one needs to persevere and be true to one's art, because only with honesty and sincerity will one achieve true artistic expression.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

12 km Again

I think I'll stop calling them 12 km attempts, seeing that I did actually do 12 km's and I will be pretty much doing it every Sunday from now on. This time I did it in 1 hour 8 minutes. And that reduction of 1 minute from last week, was very very tough this time around. I was seriously pushing myself to quit stopping. Anyways, one good thing is with my new Adidas runners and cross trainers, my feet no longer hurt. I usually thought it was just pain from exercising, and I had to work through it and bare with it. And I did that for almost 7 years! Until recently it was quite unbearable because I increased my gym time and add that to the running every week. But now for once, it was barely there! And I think what little pain there was, was actually residual from the past. But I think after another few weeks the pain will absolutely be gone. Hopefully I can keep improving on my time. My aim for next year would be maybe to do the half marathon (21 km), not sure how hard that is though. Will see how it goes.

The other thing is I tried making prawn and fennel soup. It tasted fine, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the type of soup, because I seriously can never finish a whole bowl without feeling like puking. Maybe the soup is too thick. Well, the consistency it like what I have out though. Maybe I just like clear soups better. Anyways, I think this turned out okay, and I'm getting quicker at cooking, so yeah, doesn't eat at too much time. Well next will the thing to cook next time would be leek mash and steak I guess. I'm not really good with steak so....fingers crossed.




Friday, August 13, 2010

the yummy, cozy and lovely

So I cooked this this week, it's supposed to be with orzo but I just used long grain rice. If I were to buy a whole bag of orzo, I seriously would have no idea what else to do with it or when I can finish it. So the recipes I'll be doing next few weeks is in attempt to clear out all the crap in the food closet and fridge. Anyways, did that beef mince, rice, eggplant whatever bake. And the thing on top is yoghurt. It actually was not bad, well better than that stupid African chicken dish I made last week. Seriously bleah to that.



Picture of books..

Monday, August 9, 2010

Decent Literature

It is weird to think that some books would be considered rubbish and that it was the equivalent of watching too much television these days. I mean when you read more classical books, you would think they were quite good now and quite proper. But during their time, they were considered trash by lots of people. Say books like Tess of the D'ubervilles or Jane Austen books, they have feminist undertones. And during those times, it would have been considered highly inappropriate. And also books that challenged social sensibilities, they would be called blasphemous, pornographic, violent, and really, just of poor taste.

So it is very ironic, that these book that were so despised has now become some sort of norm for the social elite to study and 'analyze', what they mean, the life of a simpler time. Essentially, what the book was meant to be has been so deformed into exactly what it was fighting against.

I get the sense that some book written by some ancient Greek idiot will today be idolized by scholars which is ridiculous. What is my point? The point is this. I am tired and I have no idea what I'm saying.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

12 km Attempt 4

This time did it in 1 hour 9 minutes! And it took quite an effort. Maybe I started too hard. And found hard to keep momentum. But really, last week I was jogging too slowly. This week I did intervals of jogging faster and walking for several seconds. And lo behold, it was faster. If I could jog all the way! But that is very hard right now. I think I need to hit the gym and do 5 minute sprints every few days, to build up the strength for the bursts more. Still want that 1 hour mark. Less than 2 weeks to city to surf, I need to sign up next week. Hopefully I can go good on the way, I wanted to give up so many times today, but just had to tell my brain to shut up and keep on going.

Also probably had to do with the music, last week I had John Mayer's Battle Studies and Train's Save Me California. This week I started running with The Hives then Oasis, so maybe that sort of pushed me a bit. I will try with Train and Oasis next week, see what happens.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Philosophy for the Every Person

I with to study philosophy because I believe it would bring about a shift of how I live my life, and if not that significance, perhaps the reason I live my life. Even if I do everything the same as I do now, study of philosophy would allow me to be more purposeful and have more intent on what I am doing. Have reason behind every mechanical motion, if you will.

I used to think philosophy was very highfalutin (ok, I was just being ironic that highfalutin in itself sounds like a pompous word). Ok, what I mean is philosophy seemed to be for the snotty, egotistical person. But after reading more of philosophy it really is not. It is discovering your true self, and what you mean to yourself and the world you live in. Surely there is no divide that everyone want to know why they are, what they are, who they are, how they came to be. Well, at any rate I do.

For instance, I wondered why I felt bad when my room was messy. And after cleaning it, I felt better. And one possible reason is this. The human mind have this natural state of wanting to order things, to link things, relate the cause and effect. So a chaotic environment is very difficult to comprehend for the human mind. Thus arranging things neat and tidy, removes a strain from your mind. So yes, a tidy room makes me feel less 'messy' in my head.

So philosophy I do not think only concerns with abstract ideas that are ideal. It also gives reason to actions and its understanding is imperative for living a fulfilling life.

I am absolutely a thinker. I study mechanical engineering with the sole purpose of understanding nature, as I thought the understanding of the language of nature is the key to a deeper appreciation for this world. How it works, will give meaning to why I am here. And that is partly true.

I have just read that sciences have roots in philosophy where the earliest thinkers can be split into two types. One group who were concerned with the 'meaning' of nature and another which was interested with the interaction of people and their structure and organizations. The first group is called natural philosophers and the second is political philosophy. I did not understand this distinction until now.

The study of physics, chemistry, biology as we know them today is borne of natural philosophy. It is satisfying to me that I a m now contributing to this area. But also I believe I need to understand political philosophy, as nature today is even more influenced by politics and the policy makers than ever. So to make informed decisions and have the correct awareness in society means being well-informed in the area of nature and what is 'real'.

12 km Attempt 3

Cut down by 2 minutes to 1 hr 15 mins!!! That's big for me. Not least because I reduced the first part a lot. I jogged slowly for an hour without stopping. Then I refilled my water and found it really hard to get back up to speed. I think I should just go the whole way next time and faster without refilling. Should go better.


Also I jogged too slow for too long. I actually jogged slow for about 40 minutes then ramped up a bit in the next 20 minutes. So this coming Sunday I'm looking to just jog slow for the first 15 minutes to warm up, then a normal jog till the end. It seriously is very hard to keep momentum when you have returned to walking pace.

And also my perception of distance is horrible. What I thought was "halfway point" of my track, was actually 1 hour. And the second half of it was just 15 minutes. So yeah, I might as well go all the way next time.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Philosphical Awakening

I believe this year is a year of many discoveries for me. This is very important to me, so I shall try to be as succinct and organized with my thoughts as I can. This book, Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder has completely overhauled my life. When I started reading it, I just expected a lovely, magical children's book. But going several chapters into it, it has turned into much more.

This book has opened a whole new world to me that in the most wonderous sense, lit a light bulb in my mind and spirit. From an early age, I remembered distinctly being dissatisfied with life and everything in it, and everything seemed empty, hollow, insignificant. And I begin to ask questions of why, how, what.. Was I going mad. And I truly believe I was going mad. I question everything, was critical over everything. And I seriously asked myself why, why am I like this, why can I not accept. And all this questioning and searching really was very tiresome, and it came to me plenty of times in my life when I thought what was the point. I felt sad and deflated. I did not know what more to think, every thought was fruitless. Why do I exist? Why I am I here? What is my purpose?

I have thought hard to answer these questions. Many would argue of course the answer is religion. Faith. Believing in God and a larger Being and purpose than yourself. But the idea of organized religion never bode well in my mind. There was always a niggling feeling that something is wrong. I understand faith is essential, but when ideas so obviously contradict reason and fact, it is not acceptable. I shall not go into detailed discussion of this now as it would overshadow my main point.

That is when I read this book, everything clicked for me. Not that it answered all my questions, but I know now where to start looking for the answers. And that is philosophy. The questions I am asking now, had been asked by generations upon generation before now. And how ignorant I am not to know. I knew at a very general level, that there were the Greek thinkers, Enlightenment, Renaissance, Marxism etc, but it did not relate to me that this was anything to do with my question. And now I see, there have been trains of thoughts on these matters for thousands of years. And I now have tapped into the most beautiful thing in the world, the thoughts of the great thinkers of the ages.

I think philosophy has been a part of me before I even knew what it was. The same thoughts that occurred to thinkers like Plato and Aristotle, only came to me after long periods of deep thought and struggle with myself. So it is beyond my wildest imagination, that I have found for my self the fountain of knowledge. I am hopeful I can my find my answers. I now aspire to be a philosopher and satisfy this thirst that to this point I could not elucidate.

I think now this blog will very much turn into a discussion of philosophy. I have so much to say, so much to read, so much to write.



Saturday, July 31, 2010

Cooking, Eating & Awesome Jammies

So this week I tried to make vegetarian pasta and also parsley soup. So these are how it turned out. The vegetarian pasta was super yuck! And after eating it twice I just cooked riced and fried an egg and some salami. The bit on the top was what was left of the vegetarian 'sauce'. It was cauliflower, almonds, and some other greens, and red wine reduction. Ok, maybe it was perhaps due to me just subbing too many ingredients like I replaced dry white wine with red wine, and pine nuts with almonds. Ahahaha. So self induced yuckness! Geez I think I'll just eat green a bit more raw next time.

The parsley soup was great but it 2 freaking hours to make! Well, firstly because I did not read that you could use ready made vegetable or chicken stock, and I made my vegetable stock from scratch. Which is a whole lot of tedious work. But in the end the soup was good, surprisingly. I don't think I've made anything decent, and this is the most decent. Though I don't think it's all that healthy though, there's potatoes and single cream. So it is kind of fattening I think. Need to keep more greens in so I think I need to look for clear soup recipes. This was my dinner because I want to live like a monk.

And lastly my sister got me awesome jammies. They are super comfortable which makes me super lazy, so I only wear them before I sleep and on Sundays. Because I'm lazy on Sundays. And I think I've lost some more weight. So yay, shed off all that excess fat for City to Surf. So want to come in around 60 minutes for that. Running again tomorrow.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

12 km attempt 2

I tried the 12 km run along the same path again. And it only took 1 hour 17 mins! I was surprised myself, I would have thought to take at least 1 hour 40 mins. So that was great, so trying more to push it closer to 60 minutes.

Also tried my hand at cooking more healthy, so half a pork steak and lots of italian salad. It turned out quite decent. I hate cooking, but then what can I do. Need to eat more healthy...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Expectation and Sustainability

Expectation is anticipating with confidence of fulfillment. And that is a problem sometimes.

Say people in the modern age, if you work this amount a week, you really expect to be paid that much. But who says that is so, what makes this expectation acceptable. If you get more than the expected, you are happy. If you get less, you are not. Say a cleaner is given 5000 dollars a day. If that is the norm, then that is what is expected, if you pay less, say 4500, then people will be unhappy regardless. That may be an unreasonable example. Because if you pay me 4500, I would still be happy. But then you put it into perspective, and think of the days when there was serfs and lords. The serfs are basically treated like slaves. So, even though in modern terms one may see this as unfair, at the time it was perfectly accepted by both parties. So every increment above the serf's expectation provided by their lord would very much contribute to their happiness, be it just giving them extra food for they day or the like. So the point is, any point above the norm (where the norm is the accepted expectancy of a person) would provide happiness, and anything less than the norm would cause negative emotions to arise.

Of course to maintain the expectancy to remain the same, I believe all minimum requirements have to be met. That is shelter over a person's head, health cover, and ample food so as to not starve. That is living comfortably within one's means and the sense that one has earned it fair and square.

So that now builds into the modern expectancy. And as we know expectancy these days have gone though the roof. One now expects to be provided a good education, a comfortable life of no suffering, and all the luxuries of the world. It was not that long ago that things such as tv's and cars were luxuries. But that is now a norm. And again, now 1 car is not enough, a family has to have 2 or 3, just for convenience sake. It is only befitting because that is where society has shifted. When we live in a society that enables, this the expectation is you have that flexibility. Say for example this. In days when a family has one car, the family is not expected to be able to get to work on time, get the kids to wherever they need to be, and get all day to day things done in that space in time. It is accommodated that people have only one car and that they are restrained with this capacity. But now, as it is normal for families to have several cars, they are expected to have no excuse to be where they need to be. So the people who really cannot afford this, are again still expected to live within these new set of standards which society have set. And even if they now cannot achieve this, they would aspire to be rich enough to own several cars, as it is well within their reach. And if not them, their children will have this aspiration too. So as society evolves, the expectation of what is the norm and what they deserve is moving increasingly in this direction.

This is just one example of material expectation. Job wise, for instance executives might expect to get paid a certain amount because it is their entitlement. I believe this is not a concrete expectation and depends on place and time. Because a developed country would have a higher pay than a developing country, and also depending of the time period this will only keep on increasing due to inflation. And say now the major executives in multi million dollar companies. What makes them entitled to so much money in bonuses. And football players being paid millions for kicking a ball around. Is that 'fair'?

In terms of food consumption, this is also true. Meat used to be a luxury food item that can only be afforded by the rich. Now it is again an expectation that everyone has cheap access to this item. And this is now again causing serious problems.

So with all these examples, they are not borne of anything malicious but simply our desire to improve our quality of life and be more comfortable and happy. But some of these things are ironically producing adverse effects.

One main cause is the prices of items are not reflective of their true value. Say now you look at a shirt and it is only 5 dollars and made in China. How is this possible? Because of the low labour cost, and the full life cycle costs not taken into consideration. So there lies the problem. It may be that it is cheaper now, to have the things that we always wanted. But it may not be as cheap as it actually is. The rate of consumption is unnecessary, superfluous and unsustainable.

I go back to the point of getting what you should be paid. There can never be a 'right' solution to this because there are so many subjective factors in this matter. But there must be some semblance of control of what is acceptable. And with regards to material things, more steps should be taken to reflect fully the cost and impact of production. Sometimes we do not need to grow, and expand an have more. It should be more about reducing, or stabilizing while producing with the highest efficiency possible.

On an individual level, these unrealistic expectation should be redefined to fit what the real problem is. What we want are not 'better' and more things, or more choices and quantity of food, or anything else. What we want is more happiness. And the channeling of all energy into the material to achieve this is a pipe dream. You can never find true happiness with a nicer car, nicer clothes, better food etc. Certainly there is a bare minimum to what does cross the barrier between happy and sad. So a solution is this, redefining the expectation of what should and should not be, and redefining expectancy of what is really important in life.

Do you need a nice shiny car to be happy? Or is an old working car that has been in your family and shared plenty of memories with you more valuable. And for this to be sustainable, there needs to be a mechanism that supports costs for it to be feasible to keep an old car running for a long time as opposed to buying a new car every 5 years. Again this is because it is now cheaper to buy a new car than it is to repair a slightly damaged older car. And the reason is because the full cycle of cost involved is not totally accounted for in new cars.

We are a society conditioned to want more, strive for more, be happy when we have more. But I have tried to live this dream. And it does not make me happier, I have more things, but I do not truly appreciate them, because I expect to have them and there are just there because I should have them. And with increasing expectancy, consumption grows and grows, an unquenchable appetite. That brings us to the point of overconsumption where we are living beyond our means of sustainability where there is no real need for it. We just want more because we expect it and it is assumed to make us happier.

We need to dissociate material possessions with happiness. And that is difficult, even for me, because I am conditioned to believe this to be true. But I am at the point where, I get tired just seeing how much crap I have. And when I purchase unnecessary things, it is more an impulse and addiction than a purchase made out of pure requirement. It does not contribute in any way, except for the fact that I think it may make my life better. Does your fifth watch tick more accurate than the first? Why do you need 50 shirts? Well, of course the argument is because you look good and you must have that shirt to match those shoes, and you must have those shoes to match those shades, and so on and so forth. So that is again, conditioning of what is seen as a 'positive' in society. So what is it you really crave? It is acceptance in society and being viewed in a positive light by your peers? If the 'in' thing was wearing the most crummy clothes you have, everyone would then want to. That may be an extreme, but you get my point.

So a broad redefinition aim would be this. To live within one's means, and then try to reduce it further. Because what we are looking to do now, is not live with more but make do with less. I believe humanity is smarter than this. We are at the stage of our evolution that most basic creature comforts are covered and we do not require much more. So what we should be looking for now is rediscovering spirituality and our connection with one another, and of course happiness. We must live simply  and in appreciation and know that these are the real things that provide happiness.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

14 km attempt 1

Actually it was supposed to be 12km. I got lost. I made a circle back and asked for directions. Atually I was on the right track, and I just did not make a turn somewhere and ended up going in a circle. Well, I jogged some and walked most of it. So it actually took me 2 hours and 20 minutes. But knowing the route now hopefully next week I can go much faster. Also I brought 2 litres of water just in my bag just in case, so that slowed me down a bit. But I found there was a water fountain halfway along, so I can just bring 1 water bottle and not bring a bag next time.

So in the last few hundred metres of walking felt a touch of cramp, better drink more electrolytes or something. And had a cold shower after, apparently it helps with muscle recovery. I read that on the interweb, so it must be true. Anyways, doing it again next week. I will survive...

Saturday, July 17, 2010

No Inhibition

I don't know how I got here again, but I'm reading 5 books at a time. I read some books to almost the end and stopped, then continued on with other books and did the same. So, really now is time for me again to finish off these books. Well, 2 of them are short story books, 1 by Knut Hamsun, the other by Roald Dahl. Oh, wait and also one by Stephen King. So actually that makes 6 books! Okay, so I am also reading Deepak Chopra's Ageless Mind, Timeless Body. Hopefully I can finish that off tonight. Really insightful book. And I am also reading Bulldog Drummond by Sapper, a detective novel. And also just bought Tess of D'urbervilles when I was waiting for my sister shopping. I've gotten about 40 pages into it and geez, it's good. I did not think much of it to be honest, seeing I thought it's be something like Pride and Prejudice or some hoighty toitghty thing like that (to be fair I have not read Pride and Prejudice either...). But yes, this book is getting to be really nice. So, I will try to finish Deepak Chopra's book and also Roald Dahl's short stories, which I am down to the last one, which is his first ever short story. And then after those, I'll hopefully finish Bulldog Drummond. I do not think I will be reading much of the Stephen King as I would like to savour them one by one. So just read one at a time. And Knut Hamsun, that too, probably a bit slower. These are short stories anyways. So no matter. And after that I have gotten 3 Jostein Gaarder books from the library! I will consume those whole in long sessions. Love his books.

Okay, so I really need to make time for writing also. I have all these ideas. And I really need to get them written and stuff. But there seems to be this stop that makes me hesitant to write them. So as an effort to release them, I will start writing stories with no inhibition at all. Living up to my blog of being nonsensical fiction, I shall do literally just that. No inhibition. One may think what with the silly stories I write that was what it was to begin with. But then, there was always a certain measure of sanity to them. What I speak of now, may be stories of no plot or reason. No start or end. I will just write whatever crap that comes to mind, and it will not make sense. So, whatever. I need my creative juices flowing and that requires me to break down that barrier that keeps in the constraints of what I think to be acceptable writing. No, down with it all. I will write the most ridiculous stuff I can. And I may not like it, you may not like it, but I need it.

To be sane, you need to be a bit insane

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Unsustainable

Okay, maybe trying to write 1 piece of literature a day is a bit too much. (Notice the rationalizing of redefining my mid year resolutions). As much as I try to make myself sit down and write a story I just cannot. Even my brain resists it, it tells me anything I write now will sound forced and would not come out beautiful. And I simply cannot force myself to do it. Tough. Need a break from it.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Intermission

I have finished off 3 flash fiction pieces in the last couple of days. And now working on a poem called Intersection. But it's really hard to get the words and the ideas flowing. So I think I'll stop for the day and start reading. I feel like doing something different. So I'll start reading a book now, and hopefully finish in 12 hours time. Oh lovely.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mid Year Resolution

And again I am late with my mid year resolutions. And in the first place you're thinking why would I have mid year resolutions. Obviously it's because I can see no way of achieving the resolutions I have set out at the start of the year. So yeah, need some redefinition of what my victories are.

Ok, well. With uni stuff it's pretty much on track. Just need to keep at it and things should be fine. And I'll probably cut back on tutoring a bit to make more time for my research, good and proper.

Well, the other thing is of course with the writing. I'm obviously very good at writing nonsense here. But doodidooda has been in neglect for the past 2 months or so. I am not reading as many books as I like, no shortage of buying them though. Well, need to keep up the pace. So many nice books to read.

And also with the writing. Have not been doing that much at all! Perhaps my timeline is just so way off. I have not the discipline and tenacity to write even short stories, takes me the most extreme effort to write even one. And in the end did not turn out quite as I like it. So going to concentrate purely on flash fiction for now. I no longer care if the ideas are corny, plot weak, or dialogue bad. Don't even care if my English sucks. Whatever. I just vow to write a whole bunch of flash from now on. And just put them all up. Anyways, not even concerned with publishing on magazines or anything. I just need to be happy writing right now and not think of success or failure. In the first place, I'm not looking to be a success or anything. That should not be that important. What is important is that writing is exploratory of my thoughts and stretching my abilities. That is all I'm looking for now.

Okay, so there's the new resolutions. Prepare to see them go up in flames in a month. Ever the optimist I am.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sundays

Well, watched Last King of Scotland last night till about 2 am something. Pretty good movie, love James McAvoy and Forest Whitaker. And watched Losers also, wow it was quite crap I think. A-Team was so much better. Indeed their plots is roughly the same, but the action, script and acting in A-Team is so much better. Anyways, watching movie late Saturday made me wake up late Sunday. So only managed to pull myself out of the bed at around noon for breakfast.

My sister went back to Malaysia for a week or so, so I decided to drag myself out of bed and not be a bum and lay in bed the whole day. Had lunch then went to South Beach, that's sort of Fremantle. Anyways got there around 4, hoping to read some.

It was nice and cool, not too hot. So pulled out a Knut Hamsun book I was reading, Tales of Love & Loss. It's pretty good, very different way of writing that most other writers I have read.  Only read 1 short story then decided the weather was too nice to not take in the sight. So I just sat there and later and walked a bit, till sunset. And then something funny happened. While I was walking along the beach, a dog was walking behind me. Well, the dog was kinda buff so I was a bit scared really. But he kept following me and I just kept walking, then I just stopped there and he went to pick up a stick and wanted me to throw it. So yeah, ended up playing with the dog. Looked around and did not see anyone there. No idea where the owner was. So just kept playing with the dog. Then the sun went down then and I took the picture.
Yeah, that's the dog there. Well, after the sun went down I was going to head home. But I looked around and there was no one else there. I walked to one end and the dog followed and I thought the owner was there, but the people there seeing the sun gone down already just headed off. So I walked to the other end of that stretch, then asked a couple on the beach if it's their dog and they said no. Well, a bit worried now, maybe the dog's lost. Then I made my way inland a bit more then the dog was still following me. I just started walking to the car park and the dog stopped following and he ran to a couple on the lawn making out. Bleah, too busy making out to bother with the dog. Oh well, I got to play with the dog. Made my day.

Rearranging

Well, like I said in the last post I was sick yet again! And after talking to friends, they said probably the position of my bed is bad, as in fengshui-wise. It was facing the window. Well. other than just feng-shui probably the cold winter air seeping through coming straight at my face of feet (depending on which was I'm sleeping), maybe caused me to get sick also. And also get freaking weird dreams. So I rearranged my room and also sorted out the living room a bit. Well, first through rearranging I took a picture of my babies!
















Well, I love the acoustic best and I play mostly acoustic these days. Just chord and all. Don't play too well, but oh well, they are so pretty guitars are.

Then I spent Friday evening sorting out my room and got it all done by Saturday. And so it's great now, set up a desk beside my bed so I can get some writing done also.
I am going to get a desk lamp for my desk also soon. I've looked at lots of pretty ones, like these by Robert Kitto, but they are really quite pricey. Well these are the two I liked most from that series.
 
This one's called Hamlet(top) and there's a nice finish and detailed patterns on it. But I find it a bit cloggish, and I like Ophelia (bottom) better, more simple but elegant.

Anyways, looking harder I think I'm going to get one from IKEA Barometer, it looks great online, hopefully the real thing is sturdy and well-made. The joints and rods look like something naval or the protractor connector also. So that looks pretty awesome.
 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

For the Umpteenth Time

Well, actually fourth or fifth. But still that is quite a ridiculous number. The number of times I have gotten sick this year. I mean come on, what the hell. That's like every other month. Well at least I had my conference paper submitted on time. Not sure it will get accepted or not but at least I got it in.

It is now already June of 2010. This year has gone by really quick. Too quick for my liking. Hopefully I can again get back to writing more things. Actually I have been freed up for the last week already, but am finding it quite difficult to sit down and focus on doing some writing. So I guess that's why I'm here to begin with. Writing on my blog some to get those writing juices flowing again and hopefully get into the habit of writing some in the evenings.

So yes, not much to say now. But hopefully I will get back into writing full swing soon. When I have rested and gotten better. Don't want the sickness to drag on, geez, get better seriously. Getting sick so much is getting old.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Memory Recesses

Went to an Italian restaurant last week and experienced something weird. I went to the toilet and smelt a smell and it reminded me of really old buildings when I was little in the UK. I mean weird how just something would make you think about something totally far away in place and time. It's not a smelly smell or anything. Was maybe what they used to wash the toilet or that the toilet is old and the smell of the piping and stuff. But had me thinking of the old museum buildings or some buildings in the UK, they have that smell. I can't really remember it now seeing that it was last week. Well, it's something like a musky smell sort of a corner that hadn't been aired but or something. I don't know.

Anywho, right before dinner just now I had a nap. Then woke up and it was dinnertime. Has beef steak for dinner and don't know. Might head was in a weird place. I was eating and felt very attuned to what I was doing, as in very. Like every bit of cut I did. I very intently saw the cuts I did and when I put it in my mouth, the taste, I really tasted it. But as I got a bit more clear-headed that feeling went away. I felt very small and then very large. And where I was. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Just now I thought about a moment some time when I just moved to Miri from Bintulu. I remember I was at home, I just watched Ghost Whisperer or something and I remember it was because I thought Angel was on. So I turned the tv off, and Angel was on after which I watched. I remember the fluorescent light in the bedroom. I remember sometimes the pulsating of light, big and small when I'm half awake. When I look at my mom or dad or my sisters and they are talking to me, I remember their head getting big and small. It was funny. I still experience that when I'm sleepy and am trying to stay awake, things start to get big and small.

I'm going to continue writing more now. My excuse for not was that I was really busy approaching end of semester which is true to a certain degree but well, in the evenings I watch tele or do nothing anyways. So that's sort of a non-excuse. I find writing as cathartic as droning in front of the TV anyways. So might as well write. So tonight I wrote. Also, I find not writing for too long will start to corrode and erode the attractiveness and willingness of writing. But once I wrote again, it felt right. It puts the mind in that frame where creativity could blossom and I believe that release of possibility would do my work good. So write on, and write lots. Some writers speak of writer's block. I think that only occurs if one stops writing for too long in the first place, because then you will stop thinking about what to write. I don't believe in waiting for inspiration to strike, I believe in creating inspiration. When I have nothing to write, I just start writing. And from that something always comes out. And it is usually good, usually better when I have an idea then when I write it down, it comes out not really to my liking. Anyways, what I'm saying is even if it's good or bad at least writing it down creates something physical, something real. And so even though it may not be pretty, it is real. And I could always go back and fix it and make it better. One fear I had with this (and sort of still have), is having written something down you push the story in a certain direction which would be very difficult to change later. This is because you have invested the train of thought in that direction and your mind frame could not be readjusted to the other possibilities (perhaps unconsciously), that it creates a mental block in that sense. Well, at the moment for me it's damage limitation. Because if I don't writing ANYTHING in the first place, the story is not there to begin with to be judged as so. And thus I feel even crappier that I have this idea and it never comes to fruition. I think I just need to get over my fear of the story being no good, and just write it and see if it's good or not. And even if it sucks, at least it's written and I can analyze the suckiness. Yes, I make up words.

Anyways, back to memory recesses. Now is now. Then was then. I could never remember then, and these triggers I experience sometimes, they come in fleeting very sparingly, they are interesting. How the brain functions, I believe I have forgotten about lots of stuff, but it's all there stored in the recesses. I guess it's all there, and good for my writing that they come as little surprises to my sense sometimes.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hallelujah

I almost cried on Tuesday. Tears of joy. The conference paper which was due next Tuesday was extended to the new deadline of June 18th. That moment Jarrad messaged me about it, I swear the clouds outside parted a bit and the sun shone through, and the angels sang Hallelujah. If it was actually due next Tuesday, don't think I could have gotten it done. Probably ask for an extension or something. But when I heard it was extended, it was like spring in me unwound. Yeah, you know you're a bit crazy when you get in the car and start smiling and laughing by yourself...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Blood, Sweat and Takeaway ep3

Just finished watching episode 3 of Blood, Sweat and Takeaway. This time the Brits went to work in the rice fields in one of the poorest regions of rice farms in Thailand. They were to first pick the young rice plants then clear out the weeds then plant them back the next day. And all this had to be done in quickly because summer was approaching and if they do not do it in time, the rice fields will dry up and they would lose potential yields. The Brits roughly managed to do this but with a lot of struggle and in very tough conditions.

They were shown three houses for living. First one did not have a bathroom and they would have to just go in the wild. And there was also cow shit all over the bottom of the stilted house. So they looked at the second one, which was nothing better than just a shed, it had no door, only four posts and a roof over the top with a wooden floor. And the bathroom was shared with a few other houses. Then the last one was the most decent with a bathroom and clean space. They picked the last one although the rent was the highest because they just thought the first two was unbearable. On their first day of work, they did not work quickly enough and more local workers had to be called in and so were only paid half the amount. This they used all of it to buy food and could not pay rent and begged to pay rent the next day. Then the next day even with their full wages, most of it went to rent which was barely enough and they basically starved for that day. And on the third day, they worked at the rice processing plant and were for once able to catch up on their rent and have a decent meal.

But after that the harvesting season was over and they had no other way of getting any money to survive. Asking the locals, they found out the only way to survive was to do odd jobs which paid even worse, or go to Bangkok to find work. Some of the kids stay with their grandparents while their parents move to Bangkok to find work. And the parents usually only get to see their kids 2 days each a year during New Year and a Thai festival. Next leg of the series would see them go to Bangkok to experience the work these poor farmers go to, for work.

There was a preview of this and it is really not the Bangkok people see on holidays. They would be living in a slum area and doing the worst jobs imaginable...

I was very humbled after seeing this episode especially. The field workers work really hard and it still is not enough. I always had the belief that if I work really hard, I would be duly rewarded. With that comes an expectation that I SHOULD be rewarded. But for these people, even if they work really hard they could only barely make it to survive, for a shelter over their head and food to eat. So in truth, what people deserve is only in their head. If it is enough for me to live comfortably, it is enough and I would count my blessings.

Also, by comparison there has been a niggling feeling in me that I could be earning so much more working in engineering industry rather than doing PhD. But now I am just happy that I do make more than I need to live by. I appreciate things like having a roof over my head and never ever going hungry. There is always a superfluous of food. And where does that come from? These poor people working for their lives. It has just grounded me really, and not take for granted anything I have. The clean air I breathe, the food I have to eat and the soft bed I have to sleep on at night.

It is good and all that I feel this now, but I find by next week the feeling usually dies off and I am pretty much back to my ignorant self. Well maybe not ignorant, but I do not feel as much affected by the issue anymore but certainly I do care. I feel the only way I can understand them is to walk a mile in their shoes. And I think after my Phd I would perhaps like to go volunteer for Engineers Without Borders and go to a developing country to help them out. But now all I can think of doing is donating more to organizations like Kiva. I think just stop buying things beyond my means. I do not think boycotting would be much help as other people will still buy these food products anyways. And that is the system in place, in those countries. Boycotting would be a negative choice of action. Donating to Kiva would provide them with the means to improve their standard of living and so better their lives independently. It hopefully would generate more wealth in their countries and create a more decent living. Hopefully I can continue to be more appreciative of what I have, and what I can give back to the world.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Is Nothing, Seriously

I have nothing to say. I am quite sleepy. But I fee like blogging. So here's the 1st of I'm sure going to be a whole bunch, of nonsense blog posts. Let's see. I'm listening to Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows. I like this song, it cheers me up. Not that I need cheering up. Just saying when I feel low, it's one of my pick me up songs. I have no idea what the song means really though. What else. I think I'll talk about my taboo discussion topics. Because I just thought of some things that I started typing then straight away deleted. Well, not that I'm super tight on censorship or whatever, just some things, I don't want to blog about now. Because they are still ongoing and I do not wish to jinx it. Not that they are touchy or anything. I just feel if I talk about it's sort of putting that energy into the universe, and that would in effect, affect the outcome. Yeah, superstitious. Say for instance, if I just had an exam or whatever, if asked how I did I'll never say I did very well even though I did well. Because I don't want to eat my words when the results come out. And also things like some resolution I made to study real hard at some set time, I don't like to talk about it. Because I may later decide to not do it, and I feel real bad about it. Well, like today, I said I'd go to uni to do some stuff (though it's Saturday, whatever). Anyways, the point is I did not go and watched the whole 3rd season of Burn Notice. Yes, great resolve Lawrence. Looks like all my concerns revolve around work. yeah, workaholic. But not working as hard as much as I like, well not producing as much as I like either, I love but, yeah, struggle some times. Ah let me shut off the work talk. Must learn to do that, don't want to get over stressed and sick again.

Ok, let me spin the wheel of nonsense and pick a nonsense topic to talk about. Wow, now the playlist playing lemon tree by fool's garden. and it's playing the part where it's singing "isolation...isolation". I must be one sad boy. The one word that keeps popping in my head is Monkey. Doctor, what's wrong with me. Do I like monkeys all that much? well, i don't know, some monkeys are really quite ugly. and mean. but i love bananas though. maybe thats why I live monkeys, we have common interests and food preferences.

What else. Oh, ok. I've decided to sleep without a pillow, cos when i wake up my shoulders are always sore. but i tried sleeping without pillow, and it was ok. so i guess that works.

I wonder why people blog. I at this moment, really have not important thing to say. just things i thought about. do people read this crap? obviously not. no comments. so why do i keep writing? dont know.. just have nothing to do and like to rant on and on about nothing. I can write about nothing all day. i head the plane outside. it's kinda loud. i hear planes now and then. i sometimes hear it, while in my bedroom start imagining. i imagine this. i close my eyes and start thinking that i am displacing myself like a ghost from my body out my window then flying. then im in the green fields of ireland or something and walking around in the green fields. wow, how awesome if i could fly then i can go anywhere. and not leave any carbon foot print for travelling. but flying so high i guess my face would be ripped off. and at such altitude. I might fly up there and faint and fall splat back to earth. well, i cant really fly. so whatever

thats like nonsense karl pilkington would say. im no round headed buffoon. i shall stop now with that. what else.

my wall's white. there are 2 hooks on it. i thought it'd be awesome to hang a huge pin up piece of wooden board on the wall. then i can draw whole lot of things and start pasting it to that piece of wood. there's be pencil drawings though. cos i kinda hate colouring. maybe because i just suck at it.

Ok, im sick of talking about myself. ill talk about something else. wait, no. Ill talk as being someone else. so the following is not representative of me.

Ok, think think, think like someone else. wow, my mind pulled blanks. ok, from this very in depth test, i deduce everyone else is an idiot. because my mind went blank, hence everyone else are blank heads, and i am the only smart person in the room. actually i am the only person in the room. well, thats besides my point. at least i know im not crazy. if i did that and there was actually an alter ego, people should be very worried right about then. but nothing happened. so its fine.

like all nonsense in the world. i stop rant now. hello. yellow dustbin.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Love, Sweat and Takeaway ep1

Watched a show entitled above, about how food is produced that we can get to buy it at such low prices in the supermarket. So the show sends a couple of UK youths to South East Asia to see how these food are produced. First episode was to send them to Indonesia to see how tuna is processed. The girls are sent to the tuna processing factory where the fish gets gutted, descaled deboned, cooked and packaged. And it's very tough working there. Their work day do not end until all the tuna caught for the day has gone through the whole process until it's packed. And they only get 1 break the whole day. And when they're working, they basically do the jobs of machines.

So the guys of the group were sent with the fisherman to see how the tuna is caught. They board the tiny ship which will go 100 miles out into the open sea. That trip takes about 12 hours. They sleep in really cramped spaces, about the size of a casket for each of the person. Then when they get there, they fish. When they have found some tuna, it take less than half an hour to fish out 7 tonnes of tuna using quite traditional methods using lines and hooks and bait. 7 tonnes! Impressive. Then after that they make for shore again and that is another 12 hour trip!! So in total that took them about 36 hours. And when they got back to shore to drop of the UK guys, the boat actually head out again for another round which would again take 36 hours! That is just so crazy, very tough.

Back to the UK girls at the factory. End of the day, and they get paid. They get the equivalent of 3 pounds each, for the entire day! So they go to the shops and buy some bread and jam, and some chocolate and sweet things. Because pretty much that is all they can afford. And bring it back to the worker's hostel and share it with the line manager which took them in for their stay there. And they also gave the line manager the extra money that they had made. And I found that moment quite touching, that those UK girls would actually do that. And when the manager got the money, she actually wept, because that money is very hard to come by even for her as the line manager at the factory. She actually lives at the hostel away from her kids who are at the other town with her mother in law. And she could only afford to visit her children once a week because the the travel fare was expensive for what she was making. Furthermore, her husband was working on another island in the mines and hardly ever see the family. So they are so poor they could not even live as a proper family. That was just way too harsh.

I watched this series just now after coming home from work. I worked from 8.30 to about 6pm and I already felt really tired. But after watching that show, I just have to count my blessings and be happy that I have a job that pays quite well! Stop complaining about how much work I have, just be happy that I DO have work and I am paid well for it.

Also, I've resolved to loan more and more often on Kiva. It's a really good cause that loans money to people in poor countries and help improve their standard of living. I mean I keep thinking that I want that nice shirt, or that cool guitar, or a nice car. But I do have these things already, maybe not as nice or shiny, but it's functional. Also, I don't have to buy so much junk food or anything, I can still make it. Eating out every day is not really necessary. I've decided that I have enough, and I don't need much more. And there are plenty of people who do not have what I have, my standard of living. So anything I can spare I would absolutely loan out at Kiva.
I applaud the makers of this show to bring some awareness to how things are. It surely made me more aware and less ignorant, and I'm sure plenty of other people also.