On Writing

Just finished 1st draft of Play With Me and it took me all but what almost a year?!?!? It started with I Don't Like This Game which i wrote September of last year. It's year and this is most I have to show for it. It is REALLY hard to write a long piece of fiction. Or maybe it's just the momentum, it's hard to keep for a longer story. If it's a thousand or so words it's easy. It's just like a 100m sprint. But a short story is like 500 m run or something. A book would probably be like marathon...geez that would take me ten year?!? Hopefully not. And I think I should move away from writing horror. Surreal fiction is better for me. When I feel murderous then I'll write horror again.

Streamlining

So, all the stuff I'm being getting myself into seem to getting the best of me again. Getting pretty overwhelmed. So I'll just list out the things I'm doing to de-clutter my brain.

So of course with my research, it is on going but it is progressing fairly well now. Hope I get approval for ACAM6 conference in December and maybe the SUT technical evening in October. Then there's the whole tutoring thing, I'm doing about 16 hours a week this semester which is about the same as I did last semester and it can be pretty much at times. I find it very hard to concentrate again after I had  done a tutorial. Need to go for a walk, take a breather.

Then there is the whole fitness and gym thing. So I still want to do 12 km runs every Sunday and go to gym 3-5 times a week. There's just so many classes to do and they are all important so I'm trying to fit it all in a week. There's Body Pump, Combat, Attack and Balance. So need to balance out all these.

Then there's the reading and writing. I am attempting to read about a book a week, and this has been a bit hit and miss and some times I am just not in the mood. And then with the writing, it is pretty non existent lately. I just need to sit down and start writing then it will flow. But I don't know...it is very difficult, even mentally anguishing to get myself to sit down to write. But when I do, I always feel better. I do not know what it is. Maybe the fear of writing, of it being not perfect. Well, I need to get the mistakes out of my system anyways. So just need to keep writing.

And then there's learning Swedish. I start classes in October and have been listening to Swedish audio tapes. And learning and also reading a Swedish dictionary and some lesson books. Going pretty slow at the moment because I cannot find the time to do it. I think all hell will break lose when I actually start classes in October.

And Lydia's wedding is end of September and I'm going to Malaysia for a week. That's a good breather for me. Why am I doing so many things at once? I think I'll not get anywhere very quickly with so many things to do.

Oh yeah, and I forgot. I'm still playing the guitar. And learning songs. And piano? Not even touched it in months...I think I need to prioritize what is important and sort my life out.

Also I have thought of doing volunteer work on weekends. Hmmm, maybe this should be priority, puts my life in perspective better. Will see how it goes. Life seems hectic now. All of my own making...

City to Surf 2010!!!

So yesterday was city to surf for Perth and I did the 12 km Channel Nine run. It was more difficult than I anticipated because there were more hilly bits than I anticipated!!! But overall it was awesomely fun. And I ran a bit faster at the start than I wanted. There were so many people to take on, so I'm like 'I want to be faster than that granny' or 'I want to be faster than that little kid'. In the end get outran by some of them in the end because I just could not run all the way, had to get back to walking speed few times. Also it was very difficult to see how far there was left so at a certain stage I was walking again and I'm like why is everyone running. Then I saw in the distance the black ending line structure, then I was like 'Oh shit!' and went for mad dash to the finish. Out of the way all you people, I'm coming through because I've been conserving too much energy!!! Bloody hell...Well, next year I will know the route better, and probably good idea to do a trial run a week or two before. But really, I think it's very possible to be under an hour, I will train harder. Will start running again week after.

Oh yeah, and the medal is a tiny piece of shit, next year i want to do half marathon if just for the larger cooler medal.

Anticipation

This weekend is city to surf!!! I am still going to body attack tomorrow morning. and probably pump and balance on saturday. I'll just try not to put too much pressure on Sunday. Very excited/apprehensive. Never actually did a 12 km run before. So hopefully I do okay. Well, don't think I'll get any sleep on Saturday night. So hopefully I do not puke on Sunday.

Going to be super hectic few months till about November I think. Lots to do, but it's better than having nothing to do. Still handleable the load at the moment, just need to keep ebbing away at it. Talking about ebbing...makes me think of cake. I love cake.

I actually do no really like cheese cake, unless it's cheese cake that does not really taste like cheesecake. I like perhaps creamy cheesecake, which I guess isn't really much of a cheescake, more of a cheese cream cake. But I do like cheese in itself, I like cheese and crackers. And orange juice.

Talking about orange juice, I wonder if it's bad to drink those that's not really fresh orange juice, that is those with long expiration dates. I drink quite a bit of that.

Talking of fruits, bought really huge green apples at the weekend. Wow wee, apples can really make my puke reflux kick in. I don't know, although apples are sweet, I feel like puking after the whole apple. It's weird. Maybe my body cannot take that much healthiness in 1 sitting.

Ok, so I've talked about puking twice in this post. What have I to say about puking. I actually hate puking. What am I talking about, who the hell likes puking. Well, comparing puking and having an upset stomach. Hmmmm, it depends on what kind of upset stomach.

Okay, I will just stop myself there, I do not want either of those things. So yeah, no more talk of puking or diarrhea.

Mmmm, I do not actually have anything else to say. Mmmm, I have a dirty dirty mind. No actually I don't. If I did I would continue talking about that stuff. But I'm not so I was kind of repulsed by even thinking of that a little too much. *Phew*

Maybe I have something less gross to talk about.

One last thing, the leg of the yaroo jajooba's foot is a little to big fit in a space boot, so it can't go to space. That's species profiling I tells ya! Ooks will come to get you...

Artistic Expression

I have been watching lots of So You Think You Can Dance lately. And these pieces, some of them just make tear up because they are so touching, and some you just can't stop smiling at. Then I get to thinking of why this is so. At the very basic mechanical level of it, they are just people moving their body and moving around, why is it so affecting? Well, but it is. Even without prior explanation, you feel the expression of art. Of love. And that is the beauty, there is no metric of measuring it. Even when some pieces are not as technical, they are still beautiful because of the heart that is in it.

And with that I get to thinking about my own work. What is my writing doing? Are they just words, words just strung together to carry a meaning. These words have been used a million times, what makes them special? And sometimes I am so paralyzed by judgment of whether my writing is good enough that I find it difficult to carry on writing. So through watching SYTYCD I come to a realization. That if I write from an honest and not pretentious place, it would at least mean something real to me. And because it is real to me, hopefully people can relate to what I am saying also. And that would be my truth and I can live with that. Even if a story is cliche and have been told a million time, if you come from a very real place in telling it, then you can breathe life into that story.

Say people like van Gogh, his paintings were never appreciated until after he died. He was condemned by the art community. And the feeling I get is the type of people that condemned his work as mediocre at the time, are the same kind of people today that think his work was absolutely marvelous. So a prior 'tag' of what is good is never the way to go, and it should not be the direction of where to take my artistic expression.

Given that it is an expression, everyone would have an opinion of your work. And to filter in constructive criticism and be strong and keep persevering with your art is also an important skill. There are plenty of great artists that lots of people like and I just do not like their work. Does that mean their work is not good? I don't think so, just a matter of preference. So what can you do when the whole world thinks your work is absolute rubbish? Again, it is important to take criticism with consideration, but at the end of the day one needs to persevere and be true to one's art, because only with honesty and sincerity will one achieve true artistic expression.

12 km Again

I think I'll stop calling them 12 km attempts, seeing that I did actually do 12 km's and I will be pretty much doing it every Sunday from now on. This time I did it in 1 hour 8 minutes. And that reduction of 1 minute from last week, was very very tough this time around. I was seriously pushing myself to quit stopping. Anyways, one good thing is with my new Adidas runners and cross trainers, my feet no longer hurt. I usually thought it was just pain from exercising, and I had to work through it and bare with it. And I did that for almost 7 years! Until recently it was quite unbearable because I increased my gym time and add that to the running every week. But now for once, it was barely there! And I think what little pain there was, was actually residual from the past. But I think after another few weeks the pain will absolutely be gone. Hopefully I can keep improving on my time. My aim for next year would be maybe to do the half marathon (21 km), not sure how hard that is though. Will see how it goes.

The other thing is I tried making prawn and fennel soup. It tasted fine, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the type of soup, because I seriously can never finish a whole bowl without feeling like puking. Maybe the soup is too thick. Well, the consistency it like what I have out though. Maybe I just like clear soups better. Anyways, I think this turned out okay, and I'm getting quicker at cooking, so yeah, doesn't eat at too much time. Well next will the thing to cook next time would be leek mash and steak I guess. I'm not really good with steak so....fingers crossed.

the yummy, cozy and lovely

So I cooked this this week, it's supposed to be with orzo but I just used long grain rice. If I were to buy a whole bag of orzo, I seriously would have no idea what else to do with it or when I can finish it. So the recipes I'll be doing next few weeks is in attempt to clear out all the crap in the food closet and fridge. Anyways, did that beef mince, rice, eggplant whatever bake. And the thing on top is yoghurt. It actually was not bad, well better than that stupid African chicken dish I made last week. Seriously bleah to that.

Picture of books..