Limited Time

Sometimes when I nap in the afternoon, it's only for 10 minutes, but the dreams I have they span an entire afternoon a few days. So the perception of time is really a thing in the head I think. Well, days are 24 hours because that's when the sun rises and sets. But the minutes and seconds in the days. The perception of days in a year, perception of sunrise and sunset connected to time. I think it is the human brain requiring some sort of order.

I mean even the concept of weekends is artificial in itself. But somehow it is so ingrained now on weekends, people do not usually work. For me it is to the point now, if you do not work on weekdays, you would feel this feeling of immense guilt. And if you work on weekends, you would feel indignant, of why you have to work. It is all artificial.

There is something to be said about the limitation of time and how far human can reach in mental evolution. I am still scratching the surface, so I cannot say much.

Philosphical Awakening

I believe this year is a year of many discoveries for me. This is very important to me, so I shall try to be as succinct and organized with my thoughts as I can. This book, Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder has completely overhauled my life. When I started reading it, I just expected a lovely, magical children's book. But going several chapters into it, it has turned into much more.

This book has opened a whole new world to me that in the most wonderous sense, lit a light bulb in my mind and spirit. From an early age, I remembered distinctly being dissatisfied with life and everything in it, and everything seemed empty, hollow, insignificant. And I begin to ask questions of why, how, what.. Was I going mad. And I truly believe I was going mad. I question everything, was critical over everything. And I seriously asked myself why, why am I like this, why can I not accept. And all this questioning and searching really was very tiresome, and it came to me plenty of times in my life when I thought what was the point. I felt sad and deflated. I did not know what more to think, every thought was fruitless. Why do I exist? Why I am I here? What is my purpose?

I have thought hard to answer these questions. Many would argue of course the answer is religion. Faith. Believing in God and a larger Being and purpose than yourself. But the idea of organized religion never bode well in my mind. There was always a niggling feeling that something is wrong. I understand faith is essential, but when ideas so obviously contradict reason and fact, it is not acceptable. I shall not go into detailed discussion of this now as it would overshadow my main point.

That is when I read this book, everything clicked for me. Not that it answered all my questions, but I know now where to start looking for the answers. And that is philosophy. The questions I am asking now, had been asked by generations upon generation before now. And how ignorant I am not to know. I knew at a very general level, that there were the Greek thinkers, Enlightenment, Renaissance, Marxism etc, but it did not relate to me that this was anything to do with my question. And now I see, there have been trains of thoughts on these matters for thousands of years. And I now have tapped into the most beautiful thing in the world, the thoughts of the great thinkers of the ages.

I think philosophy has been a part of me before I even knew what it was. The same thoughts that occurred to thinkers like Plato and Aristotle, only came to me after long periods of deep thought and struggle with myself. So it is beyond my wildest imagination, that I have found for my self the fountain of knowledge. I am hopeful I can my find my answers. I now aspire to be a philosopher and satisfy this thirst that to this point I could not elucidate.

I think now this blog will very much turn into a discussion of philosophy. I have so much to say, so much to read, so much to write.

Correlation of Dreams

Ok, so. I know saying prayers are good. I was baptized at birth and have never really been a devout Christian much. I think when I was little I only sort of enjoyed it cause I like the songs they sing, and musky old smell of churches in the UK. In Malaysia, I did not like it as much because it was hot and sticky and there was a hell lot of mosquitoes in evening mass. Ok, anyways my relationship with God . I do basically say my prayers every night and all, but these days I'm stepping up the ante and saying the rosary. Well, devout Catholics probably say that's a basic thing, but me I haven't been to church much since primary school, so that is really a lot for me.

Well anyways the thing is this. Is there a correlation between me saying the rosary and what happens in my day? I don't know what the correlation is but the days following the nights I have said the rosary has been quite crappy. One may say that all crappy things happening have their reasons and it may be a lesson in there somewhere. But still, a crappy day is a crappy day. And I decided to not say the rosary 1 night and just the normal (shorter) prayers. And that day turned out lovely. AND I still get to learn things on good days.

And just last night having said the rosary again, I had the most crazy ass dream. It was religious dream, sort of. To do with Hinduism or Buddhism or something. And basically there's this prophecy where these two people have destinies that would alter the course of the world (these two are my friends in real life, but in the dream they turn into uber awesome Jesus-like people, or some prophet at the very least). Anywho, I'm in the mix somehow, and my destiny is intertwined with which of them would be the one that would bring the path of the world. And so at the end of the road, my choice would be to kill one of them two, either way it's not a good decision to make, killing people. What's with religion and the killings? Ain't Buddishm the most peaceful religion or something. Okay so, all through that dream followers from both of those guys are trying to kill me. Oh, so in this dream I know martial arts and shit, so I kick lots of ass. And at the end of dream, well I forgot. I don't know who I picked to kill, or if I managed to go that far. Anyways, the point is the dream was absolute load of crap! Seeing that story, it sounds epic and all, but in actual fact, it was like a 3rd rate movie, where the action was crap and the script was corny as hell. So what is this? Rosary=crappy dreams? Oh, hold on a sec. I don't think I said the rosary last night. Okay forget about my theory. I just had a crappy dream.