Change of Career/Job?

I tend to ask myself this a lot. Is this job/career path right for me? On the one hand if I have a solid career, I spend the same amount of time working each week and get more pay. This is certainly a more profitable form than if I change over to a new career.

I know this may sound a bit immature. But if I were fully invested in my career, I think I would spend more time chasing my ambitions in it and not just do the bare minimum working hours on my job. I will go over the call of duty and put in more hours so that I get on ahead. If I were passionate about this job, but there is just so many things I want to do in life. Why can't I focus on just the one thing and do it absolutely properly?

I actually do love my job now and can't see myself doing anything else. But I do love singing, and writing music, and drawing, and reading and writing. There is too many things I want to do and I cannot do all of them at once. It is just so difficult, that I half-ass everything. I am not very good at any single one of these things, and mediocre at all of them. I would like to be great at something for once, and not feel like a hack. I want to feel genuine and a real person. I feel just like a shadow of a person in almost every way here. I want to be too much that I end up being nothing at all. Wow, my little talk of career and job has turned into a talk about fractured priorities.

I actually just had a talk with my sister Lyd, who was talking about Steve Job who passed away today. In one of his speeches in 2006, he mentioned to live everyday as if it was your last. If you did worked in a situation that you felt was not right for you for a few days running then you need to do something else. For me, it's more like I like what I'm doing, then I like to do that other stuff as well, on and wait a minute, I'll do that other stuff as well. Then I just burn myself out having achieved nothing much in particular. Oh, how very tiring all this is. Why can't I be satisfied with the simple things in life.

For instance, I would really like to paint properly and sketch beautiful pictures. I especially like the work of van Gogh. But would I be happy and satisfied with doing this all my life? Will I regret it later in life? I constantly live in fear of regret. I actually do not fear failure. I believe if I try my best then that is fine. My problem is I never put in my total and absolute best because I am drawn to so many things, drawn by my passion. And my passion shifts with seasons. I will do one thing for several weeks, then move on to the next thing. And so on and so forth, so progress on everything is so slow. Oh, I just don't know. Just overwhelmed.

Time For A Change

I really have not blogged here in a long time!! I have been very occupied with lots of things. But that really is no excuse for no blogging, I have still have plenty of time for doing pointless things. So here I am blogging.
I really need to get my life together, I'm already 25 years old and I still have no idea what I am doing. So here's what I'm planning to do, I will try to wake up at 4 am tomorrow and work from 4 am to about 11 am. I think that would be about what a full days of work is.

The reason for the weird times is because I really am struggling to do any useful work in the afternoon. Given that I am allowed to be flexible with my working hours, I don't see why I shouldn't try this. Also, I get so sleepy and useless in the afternoons. So when my mind is nice and quiet, perhaps I'd be more productive. Anyways, I'll give this method a try for a week or two and see how it goes.

I must say though, I am now already struggling with it because my sleeping cycle is still not used to it. It's 10.30 pm now and I still can't get to sleep. I need to wake up at to be in time to start work at 4am. So, that's pretty about 5 hours or so sleep now left. But I think I just need to be mentally strong, to make this change to my routine.

Another thing, I think I'm going to start drinking coffee again. I have not been drinking coffee since entered university till now actually. That's about 7 years!!! Last I was a heavy coffee drinker was in high school. All through university, I pretty much did not drink any coffee to keep awake or anything. But now in my PhD. I am really struggling, so I guess I really need the stuff. I feel so tired and lethargic every day. Perhaps coffee will help. Was always mindful of drinking coffee. I was of the mind that my will-power will be enough for me to perform. But no, I can't do it. I need coffee's help I think.